Annoying Things about Following a Gluten Free Diet

#562: Eating at a restaurant.

Eating out at new restaurants used to be pure excitement and joy, except for the bill part. Now eating out at a new place is an actively stressful endeavor, and I still get a bill at the end of it. [Insert self-flagellation pun here.] The things that create anxiety about new restaurants are as follows (in order of increasing magnitude):

a) Bread baskets full of warm delicious bread.
b) Waiters who do not know what gluten is.
c) Going out with people who order all the delicious food you cannot eat, and having it placed in front of you, when you are hungry. (Note: If I am not hungry, then I do not care.)
d) Waiters who still do not understand what gluten is even after you have explained it to them.
e) Not knowing what is safe to eat (remember gluten hides everywhere).
f) Waiters who tell you that they have checked, and that item you wanted is definitely gluten free, only to discover that your item (i.e. salad) was delivered drenched in croutons.

A, B and C simply cannot be helped, and are an exercise in patience and restraint. As for D, well, lets just say that I have developed strong opinions about how waiters should be trained to understand what constitutes the 8 most common food allergens.  E may be avoidable if you prepare in advance, and call the restaurant to make sure they have gluten free items to offer, and generally make a big fuss out of things. F really sets me off.

There is a gluten-free restaurant that I recently discovered. This restaurant helps me avoid B through F, which is pretty good. This restaurant is, however, a soulless mediocre chain full of yuppies and tacky decorations. It is. Gulp. P.F. Chang's! They have a relatively large gluten-free menu available. And, the food does not completely suck. Such are now my standards to determine if a restaurant is acceptable to the extent that I would want to visit again. Tacky decorations and soullessness be damned.

In my search for friendly restaurants, I discovered that McDonalds also has a small gluten-free menu. I will not be visiting the golden arches any time soon though. My standards will accept soullessness, but not evil incarnate. You have to draw the line somewhere.