Things That Suck

Number 1: Being sick on Christmas eve.

Number 2: Does not matter because you are sick on Christmas eve.

Number 3: Dying of exposure to radiation.

The Nutcracker-teased Christmas Story

I was really looking forward to watching The Nutcracker this year. Mountain View has a cute little Performing Arts Theatre and last month I read in the local newspaper that they were going to perform this beloved Christmas classic. I haven’t seen this play since I was a little girl and I was enamored with the thought of seeing it again, while supporting the local arts of the town where I live. However, when I went to the theatre’s website to buy tickets I was disappointed to find out that the Nutcracker was only going to be preformed for ONE weekend this December. I couldn’t believe it; just one weekend out of the whole year? What were they thinking? Why go to the trouble of making the performance at all? Unfortunately the only weekend showing was a weekend occupied by my school activities. Consequently, for me, this year will remain Nutcracker-less and I feel Nutcracker-teased by Mountain View, Ca.

Holiday Desecration

Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
 (to be sung to "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland")

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?"  I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Ok, now that you have practiced in your head... lets try in chorus.

Wedding Dress: The Bustle.

I actually did not know what a bustle was until I bought a wedding dress. A bustle constitutes the way in which the train of your wedding dress is gathered, elevated off of the floor, and distributed across the back of your dress. Many women opt to have their wedding dress bustled in order to facilitate movement after the wedding ceremony is over. After all, it can be uncomfortable and tiresome to deal with a long train while casually walking around, greeting wedding guests or dancing. There are many different ways to bustle a wedding dress according to types of fabric, types of dress patterns and dress colors.  

There are four main types of bustle used in the USA:

 French bustle: Think big, pouffy derriere. The train of the dress is essentially folded and gathered to shorten its length.

Ballroom bustle: This type is very similar to the French bustle, only less pouffy. 

Australian bustle: I think it is very pretty and it works especially well with chiffon trains. Ribbons are sewn into the dress and when they are pulled the dress train is picked up and gathered.

 American bustle: this type is usually used with shorter trains and it consists of a single, or several, hooks that hook up the train to the back of your dress. Usually the hooks are disguised using jewels or ornaments.

Sleep Deprived

Things that happen when I am sleep deprived for a week:

- I get sleepy.

- My stomach becomes upset.

- I may become disagreeable toward other people and slightly irrational.

- I am constantly hungry.

- I laugh a lot at stupid things and my sense of humor becomes stranger, sort of in a dark, twisted yet bubbly way. 

- I am not able to pronounce words correctly and more of my sentences start lacking proper grammar, so it becomes hard to understand me. Sometimes this can be comical, which leads me to laugh awkwardly for a longer period of time than appropriate. 

 

"The American-White Lady"

This is how some people refer to me at work. "The American-White Lady" is me. Go figure. I wonder what that says about my work place. 

The "S" Word

Meanest Craving for Salami Recorded in the History of my Cravings.

OK, so by now I've been a vegetarian for over two months and the newness of it all is starting to wear off. However, I am still discovering things about myself that I did not know before becoming a vegetarian. For example, being a vegetarian has helped me discover what I consider to be my comfort foods. The other day I was feeling particularly moody and I craved something comforting. Alan made me some really good hot chocolate, but it wasn't enough. I wanted salami. I really, truly wanted some good, tasty, salty, fatty SALAMI. Some people crave bacon; I am more of a salami sort of person. I never knew I could crave salami so much.  I guess I have never thought about my need for salami before, since before I never would have thought twice about making a salami sandwich when in the mood. Besides, there is always a ready supply of salami in my household for snacks and such. 

I was more tempted to eat salami than I was tempted to eat turkey during Thanksgiving, even though my uncle made TWO delicious turkeys -with accompanying, amazing stuffing- for the event.

I looked at Alan and told him about my desire for salami. He looked back at me in disbelief for a couple of seconds, said "No", and promptly ran to the kitchen to get rid of all of the salami available before I could do anything I would later regret. Alan saw the crazy look in my eyes so he ate all the salami. ALL of it. Quickly. Even though he was not hungry. Then he grossed me out by opening his mouth while chewing, so I could see how truly disgusting salami is. He did all of these things out of love and I appreciate his willingness to wolf-down deli meats at a moment's notice to protect my long-term goals.

... But I still want some. 

Thanksgiving, 2008

Things that I love about Thanksgiving

- Eating great food made by my family.

- Being with my family.

- Setting the table with nice china and silverware. 

- Cranberry sauces and stuffed dates.

- Getting dressed up to eat dinner at home. 

- Mashed rutabaga.

- Eating leftovers from Thanksgiving.

- Wine tasting the day after Thanksgiving with my family. (Info here.)

- Enjoying the beautiful scenery of Sonoma County.

- Silly jokes about termites at a bar, lions in a rush, and roughed-up pieces of string who want a drink. 

- Taking pictures.

- Not having to buy gifts or live up to  any sort of contrived holiday expectation (aside from eating yourself silly).

- Knowing that Christmas is coming soon.