Frosting = Sugar Farts

Its true: I'm not a big frosting fan. I avoid eating it. I avoid purchasing it. In my mind, it is a disposable, mildly decorative packaging, always surrounding or on top of more important treasures. Frosting is what sugar would do itself, if sugar could digest butter and fart.

With this in mind, I will tell you a cupcake story. The story is 100% true.

Yesterday Alan called me on his way home. He called me about cupcakes. He had two very special cupcakes that he got from "tea time" at work. He had been saving them for us, starring at them for hours as they waited patiently on his desk for the drive home. So delicious they were almost "sensual", he described. Alan, I might add, has never been a dessert or cupcake freak. I knew these cupcakes had to be amazing for him to be obsessing about them. And, I was touched that he thought about bringing two of them home for us to share. 

Alan asked me to unlock the door, so that he could just walk in. I did. When Alan got home, he rushed through the door, barley said "hi", threw down his backpack and opened the container with the cupcakes. They were small in size, dark orange wood colored, with a healthy hat of creamy frosting. 

"Here", he thrust one forward. 

"But I'm cooking [pointing at mushrooms and frying meat]... we should have them for dessert."

"No, it can't wait... you don't understand... I've waited so long. We must eat them NOW."

"OK, ok... Lets eat a cupcake then" [Big giggly smile]

I peel the paper away and make to take a bite from the bottom.

"NO, wait, you have to get a bit of the frosting with the bite."

"Umm, OK." I reluctantly follow cupcake-eating instructions.

-Dead silence-

The cupcake was, indeed, delicious, luscious and smooth. Pumpkin flavored, with surprise walnuts, and the frosting did compliment the taste of the cake to an extent that I have never before imagined fathomable (I'm not exaggerating). I thanked Alan for the cupcake. Reaffirmed its amazingness. Took the hat of frosting off and threw it in the sink.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING????"[FACE OF SHOCK AND HORROR AND DEVASTATION] 

"I threw the frosting in the sink." [Big, happy, satisfied smile on my face]

Alan looked like he was about to dive in after the sugar fart, so I made sure it fell in the garbage disposal and I turned on the faucet, for a good minute.

-Dead silence-

"What is wrong with you??"

"Nothing. I don't like frosting; it is unnecessary to my cupcake eating pleasure."

Then Alan spent the next two hours being mad at me. Seriously, he was upset. He could not believe that I had thrown that frosting away. He was, I believe, hurt.  Our love is strong though, so we were able to overcome this sugar fart with a couple more giggles.

The moral of this story is that you should never underestimate the power of a cupcake. Think about that, the next time you eat one.