It is Done

After agonizing for a couple of days over my statement of interest, I was finally able to submit my grad school application. It was really hard for me to write coherently about myself, and what I could contribute to San Jose State. I do not know why. Maybe I'm shy. Maybe I hate writing about myself just so that other people can judge my potential for success. Maybe I'm rusty from being out of school for a year. Maybe, I was afraid to think about my accomplishments and how truly trivial they sometimes seem to me compared against the grand scheme of life. Maybe because this exercise made me think about myself in ways I usually don't, and I was forced to realize that my life, compared to a couple of years ago, has become more peaceful and appreciably more boring. I honestly don't know why San Jose State should pick me over another person. There is nothing truly original that you can write in a Statement of Interest for Business school, and I'm just as deserving as the next applicant.

I guess in essence applications are designed to determine how much you want to be accepted, not how much you deserve acceptance. If that is the case, then I hope they see how much I love school.

I miss the excitement of being a student, and thinking that nothing was beyond your comprehension or understanding. That knowledge was just a class away, and tomorrow you would learn to think about a subject in a way you had never imagined before. I miss the challenge of proving yourself capable of creating things, just because you can. I miss the satisfaction of getting a good grade on an exam. I miss my college friends. I miss being goofy around people who didn't judge you for being goofy. I miss being in a structured environment, where I knew how the procedures worked and what exactly was expected of me. I miss almost everything about school, and I want to go back.