Getting Married 101
So now I am totally engaged, and thus totally obsessed with "marriages". I do not even know where to begin to explain how complicated and ridiculous getting married is. Here is my first attempt:
First: getting married is a social event. There is no way to get around this. The entire reason "marriage" exists is for the continuation of society; this is the foundation of the concept of marriage (This is at the root of why people get pissed off at people who elope). Therefore, if you are under some strange delusion that entails your marriage is actually only about you, you are helplessly wrong, and you do not understand the concept of marriage.
Second: Based on fact #1, A marriage involves having a party of some sort where all your family and friends celebrate the beginning of your new life in society.
Third: Since this marks the beginning of your new life, and a social event with the gathering of all the people you care about, you feel obligated to host the best party you have ever thrown in your entire life, in order to impress everyone. This is where things get complicated and ridiculous.
Fourth: The average marriage in California costs around 27, 000 American dollars. That alone is enough to make me sick. A wedding celebration usually only lasts 5 to 6 hours. To spend the amount of money that some people do not earn in one year, over the course of six hours is mind boggling. This is a problem. This problem can be solved in several ways:
4.1: Make the father of the bride pay. As my wise father clearly pointed out at my meager suggestion of his involvement in the celebration: this is an ancient ritual that dates back to the times when fathers (and men in general) paid to have their useless female descendants married off, because women were burdens that made no money. My father was clearly against this sexist ritual, me being a feminist and all.
4.2: Make any parent pay. After all, there are four. Surely one of them will be moved enough by your young love to help you out in this time of need.
I have several issues with this solution. I do not like taking money from people. And, people who contribute lots of $ to your event will inevitably have ideas or suggestions that you may not enjoy... but since you are not paying for it, you must oblige. This is clearly a not-modern solution to a modern wedding.
4.3: Pay yourself. After all, it is your wedding. In order to claim that your marriage is truly an event revolving around you and your fiance (thus tweaking and modernizing the concept of marriage as a social event), this is the only way to proceed. But starting off your new life in debt is not very appealing. Therefore, you must either be rich or very frugal.
4.4: You must reach a compromise between being a feminist, a modern bride, a modern couple, what society means to you, and what your dream wedding will be.
Fifth: There is a lot of coordination after #4 has been dealt with. Now the wedding planning can begin. I have always laughed at the idea that it takes some people 12 months to plan 5 hours of their life. However , based on #3, this should come at no surprise.
5 comments:
I like this post. I think a lot of wedding-related rituals are really archaic and involve people spending extraordinary amounts of money on the bride, just because traditionally, the bride couldn't pay for anything herself because she had no income. But I know weddings can totally be both beautiful AND egalitarian. I bet yours will be!! This is so exciting!!
It is exciting!! And terrifying at the same time, because -hopefully- you only get to do this once. Well, maybe I'll get to do this twice since my family is in Vnzla.
Guuuuuurl! Chill!!! Don't make me come over there and force feed you some Paxil (cause I will, but then I will be mad at you, because the happy pills are hard to come by). Ah the joys of being medicated....no but seriously. You seriously must stop worrying about others. From an anthropological standpoint your logic is true, but why do you care about agreeing with the social construct? Maybe others DO think that my wedding is partly for them, but it's the union between ME and Klinton, so I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. They can organize their wedding the way they think is proper, and I'll do it the way I see fit (and the way I can afford it). Obviously one must be considerate of others' traditions, but you have to do this for yourself and do what will make you the most happy, even if it means deluding yourself and pretending that it's all about you, because do you want to look back on your wedding and even have the slightest tinge of regret that you couldn't do what you always wanted because [insert name here] threw a hissy fit? People are annoying, and someone will always complain about something, so all you can do to keep yourself sane and happy is IGNORE THEM. Have the wedding you want to have, don't spend a ton of *your* money because someone else wants you to, and then put it to rest. And then have a glass of wine with me. And chilllll!
Can I have some wine too?
Four is a nice, even number. I believe I'd like the partake in the wine as well. :c)
Like everybody else, I really enjoyed this post as well. I have weird relatives and cousins who went overboard on the entire thing...EESH! You will have an AMAZING wedding, however, and I believe Laurel captured it when she said "Beautiful and Egalitarian."
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